Thinking

You know they say it will get you in trouble.  Tomorrow I start treatments.  Part of me knows this will change everything, cancer (I refuse to put a capital for the c...it will never be that strong in my life) already has changed alot about me.  How I view alot of things and judge what is going on...yes, more so than before.

I wish that I could see the future or predict the end of the world (ok, that was funny or even funnier I'm still here?!?!?), but again I'm only human.  Right now I have no patience for anything really.  My brain is overloaded with all the information I've been given and what I have somewhat learned about this disease.  Yes, some fear there and how it will change my physically, emotional and spiritually.

Thinking that I have to plan for the worst and hope for the best.  My husband Dennis always says that I think too much...one of us has to. Everyone is so keen on telling me it will be ok, but having the cancer be as advanced as it was isn't the way it was suppose to be either.  So in someways its hard sometimes to know and accept that I will be ok.

I know the treatments have the chance of making me very tired and where they put the radiation will have this wonderful sunburn....great!not even a tan out of the deal back to the fake tan.  But I will lose hair (yes, its in the one area no one will see but...no costly laser treatments for me!)..slight chance of losing hair on my head and nausea.  Thinking I work my pity party for all its worth...heck I got people who say they will clean my house..make dinner...thinking life might be good for awhile.

Now the even more ironic part of the deal....I was told not to lose OR gain weight...REALLY...ARE THEY KIDDING...so no pressure.  I am one of those people when stressed I lose weight.  The one time in my life I have to stay where I am.  God does have a sense of humor.

So...if the following posts for awhile get a bit cranky...crass or downright bitchy...thinking you may have to just say a prayer and keep reading.  I want to be able to say how it is and why.  If you know me personally you know I don't hold back.  Life is way to short to keep to yourself the truth.  The whole truth and nothing but the truth! What do you think?